DUSTY ACRES
By Paul Chandler
(Tom Crittenden is away this week so there are bound to be spelling mistakes - but he'll proof-reading the version that goes into the book!)
Ten: In Which The Hand Of Death Taints Them All…
“It's a game no-one wins… / Trying to hurt each other with those needles and pins… / I can't go back, can't go on… / But somehow I know the feeling isn't totally gone…”
From: "Breakin’ Up A Happy Home…" (Dennis Lambert / Brian Potter); Dusty Springfield, Cameo, 1973.
The second time that Dr Fish and Horner had made love the good doctor had ended up falling asleep, but unusually Horner hadn’t felt cross with him, in fact he’d actually found it rather endearing. All the same, the constant alarms that kept going off weren’t the most conducive environment for a love struck couple in which to wallow and eventually Horner slipped off the hard examination bench and began to get dressed – admiring, with pride, the range of photos that the good doctor had secretly taken of him and slightly rueful over the fact that he’d not yet taken any since they’d so recently gotten together.
“Hey lover!!” muttered Dr Fish sleepily. “Are you leaving me in the lurch?”
Horner chuckled. “If I went anywhere at this precise moment then I’d be leaving you in the buff – so I’ll be around for a few moments more…” The funny thing was that an hour or so earlier he might have felt like running out of the door at the first possible opportunity – but not now. “Even when I’m dressed I won’t be going far…” he assured the doctor… “I just want to get my stuff and book out of here – but not away from you, I might add! Those sirens are really getting to me and I can’t go around dressing in these old slobby clothes any more. I’m a beautiful woman now and I really should start dressing like one…” he pointed out.
Dr Fish nodded in agreement. Horner could tell that his stalker was almost a little disappointed and suspected that he had rather enjoyed the stalking part of the relationship and hadn’t really expected his victim to make himself so available so quickly. And now; the secrecy of a clandestine relationship and the excitement of the fact that it was going to be brought out into the open looked like spoiling things too.
“I suppose you’ll be wanting to tell everyone about us…”
“Maybe!” Horner nodded. “Although I don’t want to get you into any trouble…”
Dr Fish smiled. The idea of trouble quite appealed to him. “Well – I’m sure it’ll all work out fine in the end!” he commented. “Let’s go out there! Let’s tell people – let’s enjoying every shocked reaction we receive because I really don’t care – all I know is that I love you, Drew Horner…”
Horner grinned widely. “I feel the same...” he replied and really meant it. “I love us both…” he said.
It all seemed so simple at that moment; but, of course things are never simple – especially after a murder…
**
Katrina Hortensia was dead…
She knew that; there was no doubting it – and yet…
…And yes there she was; looking down on her dead body – not from the ceiling like some sort of spirit – but as if through a dirty window about halfway up the wall of the small storeroom.
It was really quite bizarre – she could see her silent corpse and yes really – to be quite honest – she simply didn’t feel dead and hadn’t felt any pain. She was thankful for that but could work out if this was simply the normal experience of death or whether this was something other – something that always happened or whether it was something to do with the spells she had been attempting to cast upon herself and her killer as he had been bludgeoning her with plastic knives, forks and spoons…
Katrina took a deep breath (if that be possible for one who was probably dead) and peered down at dead body once again.
It had to be said; she looked a mess…
To be frank, she looked a little like some kind of porcupine – only rather than spines she had the many various handles of plastic forks, knives and spoons sticking up out of her. She could see that all over her clothes and all across the floor there stretched an ever widening pool of tomato ketchup and blood. She wasn’t a vain woman by nature, but on the other hand no-one liked to see themselves lying there in front of them looking so bad; not even after they were dead - not even a witch liked that…
But what should she do now? What COULD she do?
Not much it would seem… Her killer, whoever that had been – for she hadn’t seen his face, but she was sure that it had been a he – was long gone now…
But she; she was gone and yet still there – somewhere lost in limbo…
“Help me…” she called gently; almost just to hear the sound of her own voice. “Help me… Help me!! HELP ME, SOMEBODY – PLLLLLEEEEEEAAAAASSSSSEEEEEE!?”
But no-one came.
**
Meanwhile, back in the canteen, as it was getting late the whole place was now pretty deserted as the sirens kept going on and off, although still none of them had heard who was missing…
“We’ll go and check it out…” Edie had suggested.
“That’s right – we’ll check it out…” repeated Mavis. “You settle down with a coffee – we won’t be gone long!”
So Tula and Simon had done just that; but after almost half an hour, with no sign and no news, both Tula and Simon were becoming quite bored.
“You wanna go!?” Simon asked, for Tula looked sleepy.
“I don’t know – maybe we should…” she was eyeing the clock and looking rather alarmed – for it was pretty late now and she wasn’t sure how she was going to get home and didn’t fancy having to arrange a hotel at this time of night. Perhaps it would simply be better to just doze in the waiting room until morning and then set off back the way she had come. “Perhaps we should check on Horner before we go – just say goodbye…” she suggested – she was used to their being a set visiting hour at most hospitals, but this place seemed to have rules of its own that didn’t actually concur with the rules of the majority.
“Do you need somewhere to stay over!?” Simon enquired. “My flat is new and a little cluttered – but you’d be welcome!”
Tula was glad he’d asked – but was still a tad uncertain. She didn’t like to intrude; it wasn’t that she didn’t like Simon – far from it, but she just didn’t want to be an inconvenience. “You know what – I think I’m going to stay here – perhaps I’ll be able to stay with Edie or Mavis – after all, they are good friends of my Aunt Fatima! Horner will be out of here tomorrow – so I think I’ll hang around – see that he’s all okay and then head back home!”
“Stay here!?” exclaimed Simon. “Oh come on now – that’s not going to be very good for you… You’ll not get a moment’s peace!” he pointed out. “You can get a ride back to mine on the back of my penny farthing…” he suggested and then added, before she had time to contradict him. “I’ll not take no for an answer, my dear – dear friend…”
Tula found his enthusiasm irresistible. How could she deny him this act of generosity? There was no reason to – absolutely none. “Thank you!!” she said instead and finished her coffee. “Let me just check he’s okay and then we’ll leave…”
“At last!!” beamed Simon. “At last the lady speaks sense!!”
Tula chuckled and pulled a face at him. “Come along now and stop being so sarcastic…” she snapped, but only in jest.
This time, partly because of the alarms; just to be sure – they didn’t even take the lifts – neither the fast nor the slow one, instead they just took the stairs to the 2nd floor.
“I’m not risking it…” Tula laughed. “I really don’t want to bump into any more nutcases!!”
“What – like me!?”
“Oh yeah – exactly like you…” laughed Tula and they teased each other all the way upstairs.
There seemed to be quite a commotion up on the second floor – and it was coming from near Horner’s room.
“Oh my!” exclaimed Tula. “Don’t say it was Horner who went missing? Why would he do that – he was due to be discharged in the morning…”
“You don’t think…” Simon’s voice trailed off – he didn’t even want to consider it. “You don’t think Katrina went back and – oh this will sound awful – you don’t think Katrina went back and finished him off, do you!?”
“I really hope you’re wrong about that…” Tula told him and Simon nodded his agreement; they were about to go and find out when as Simon stepped forward he almost slipped up. “Careful!” Tula called, grabbing his furry arm to steady him – managing to save him from damage, but as she spoke her voice trailed off…
To be honest they hadn’t been very observant and certainly hadn’t been looking down at the floor. But now they saw that it wasn’t just water that Simon had slipped on…
His pristine white yeti sized sneakers were splattered red…
“Blood…” growled Simon and then again crossly due to the anger at realizing that his shoes were spoilt. “Blood!! I can smell it from here…”
It was actually quite a fresh trail and seemed to be slowly seeping from under the door of a store room…
Gingerly Tula turned the door handle and peered into the shadowy darkness; even so there seemed to be a faint light coming from an old lamp at the far end of the room. It didn’t look as if anyone has been in there for year; there was dust everywhere – a thick coating over all the furniture – even over the mirror…
…And there on the floor lay a body…
Tula wasn’t the screaming type – but she had to clamp a hand over her mouth to stop herself. The body had been hacked to death by the missing plastic spoons and forks from the canteen and a mixture of broken cutlery was strewn across the floor around the body amongst the discarded remnants of red plastic, tomato ketchup sachets; a mixture of dried blood and relish splattered across the wall…
But the body – the body…
Even from the doorway, both Tula and Simon could tell who it was…
“Katrina…” she gasped.
Now whilst Tula wasn’t a screamer, she still found that in this intense situation that she had to cover her mouth to prevent a cry escaping. Simon Yeti, however had no such restraint, Simon Yeti was a brave soul – especially when faced with blood and corpses; a less-politically correct person than Tula might have described him as a great big wuss – a girl – a big old nelly and Simon would have wholeheartedly agreed with them…
“AYE!!! AAAAAYYYYYYEEEE!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEK!”
Screamed Simon yeti and Tula had to put her hands over her ears to stop herself from going deaf.
She’d never heard a yeti scream before…
It was QUITE something…
There was no way a sound like that wouldn’t have attracted someone’s attention – but Tula would have guessed at the Sister or one of the Doctors showing up. So it was a relief, yet a surprise, when the first two faces to reach the scene of the crime were Mavis and Edie.
“There’s been a MURDER!!!” gulped Tula. “The condiment Killer has taken his first victim…”
“Good lord, yes… Undoubtedly Tula’s right!” agreed Mavis. “…And it appears that Mister Horner has gone missing!!”
“Oh my!!” choked back Tula. “Do you think the killer has got him too!?” she enquired, tears forming in her eyes.
Simon sighed and took her hand. “I’m not sure the ladies mean that – I think they might mean that maybe Horner did this…” he pointed out.
“No!” exclaimed Tula. “No! That’s impossible!! I mean – they always used to fight – but NOT this… This isn’t the sort of twisted thing that Horner would do…”
“Unless he’s changed, dear…” suggested Mavis. “Who knows what years and years of living with her might have done to him – maybe he finally snapped… Maybe he’s changed since you last saw him…”
But Tula shook her head. “But he CAN’T have done this, surely!?!” she protested.
But even she had to admit that it didn’t look so good…
All the evidence pointed towards Horner…
**
Raymond smiled as Sister Hickliffe tapped on the door and entered. She had left Drew Horner’s disappearance to someone else to look into, for now and come back to check on her favourite patient; a patient who wasn’t strictly her patient in the first place. He seemed a lot brighter and positive than he had been before; pleased to see her even and she could tell that he’d recently showered, as if trying to do his best to impress her, she reasoned.
“You smell nice, Raymond…” Virginia beamed generously.
“Thank you…” he replied, smiling back and trying to come up with something witty to say, but obviously failing. “I feel a lot better for freshening up…” he added.
In truth he’d not had much choice as he’d been covered in thick splatters of blood and tomato ketchup. It was not just on his pyjamas, but in his hair and he’d found specks on his face. He’d worn an old caretakers coat that he’d dug up from the storeroom to return to his room on the way back from the scene of the crime. For now he’d stuffed it in the gutter outside his bathroom window, as there had been no time to get rid of it any more further afield, right at that stage.
Now, he was clean he felt a lot better – in fact he felt cured; he just wasn’t sure how long it would last. Would this have done the job once and for all, he wondered? He daren’t even hope!!
Still, at least for now, at any rate, he was glad he hadn’t had to kill Sister Virginia. She seemed very enamoured with him and it wasn’t often that someone so tall and unruly looking as him gained that sort of attention. She wasn’t a bad looking woman; under 40 and with an amazing Dusty Springfield 60s heyday style hairdo. The adoration was nice, for now – it would probably be worth holding onto her – just in case he needed an alibi or alternatively needed to kill again to prolong his own life.
By the time he needed to kill again, (if he did), he might have grown bored of here – whatever way things panned out he could find a way to dispense of her…
The first time had been fun… Except…
Except that his first killing had brought a problem. In many ways it was fortunate that it had been who it was; his victim had been a witch – so was hardly a dull person to have bumped off…
Only… Well, the witch had cast a spell on him as they’d struggled and he wasn’t quite sure how to explain it without giving himself away. He’d have to wear a glove – it wasn’t something any doctor could help with; he’d have to remain silent.
“Thankyou for coming to see my sister…” he smiled. “I’d really like it if we could chat again later. I’m feeling a lot better but I think I need to rest before the doctor comes to examine me!”
“Of course!!” Virginia nodded, all she had taken in was his wish to see her again at some stage. “I’ll let you rest…” she agreed, giving him her brightest smile before departing.
Once she had gone Raymond pushed back back the sheet that had covered his arm. There it was; his hand – the victim of some spell that the dead witch had cast.
His hand; useless - as cold as ice – or more precisely – as cold as stone, for that was what it was now – a granite hand…
Meanwhile, whilst Raymond worried about his hand, Katrina tried calling out in the darkness of the storeroom. “HELLO ME!!” she cried, not knowing where she was. “HELP ME!! PLEASE!!!”
But still no-one came.
What will happen next time? Will the world be shocked by Horner’s new relationship? Will the Police want to question Tula about the killing? Can Raymond get away with murder or is he stuck with a stone hand and the ghost of his revengeful victim?
Find out in the next episode of Dusty Acres – the town the word “crazy” was invented for…
Mood music for this episode: "Breakin’ Up A Happy Home…" ; Dusty Springfield, Cameo, 1973.
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