"This love of mine / Oh, it's getting stronger / Can't help myself / Can't wait much longer..."
From: "That's The Kind Of Love I've Got For You..." (d. fletcher / d. parks); Dusty Springfield, It Begins Again, 1978.
Horner opened his eyes...
For a moment all had gone dark; but now - suddenly all was bright light again, but he seemed to be trapped inside some sort of sticky bubble - some translucent prison.
He tried to remember what had happened and recalled the Tyrannopigeon flying over head and the egg falling down towards him.
That was it.
He was inside the egg.
Alive still; thank goodness - head throbbing, but literally standing inside the remains of the egg - the hole that he'd caused in the shell now rested at his feet and yolk was slowly seeping out onto the earth - but he was surrounded completely by the otherwise undamaged shell.
At least his skin no longer felt like it was burning...
"Well, this isn't right..." he mused uncomfortably, the yolk was horribly sticky and although as an amphibian man he was used to breathing under water he had no wish to coat the insides of his nasal passages with the embryonic fluid of a Tyrannopigeon egg. "I have to get out of here!! It's as simple as that!!" he reasoned.
The egg had been pretty big and the yolk pretty thick - so presumably he could punch his way out. Taking a metaphorical deep breath he bunched up his right fist and punched quickly forward towards the shell.
*OUCH!!!*
**
Meanwhile elsewhere, back in Katrina's flat, Katrina was watching developments via CURSE-O-VISION - a channel on cable especially for witches who had spells in the offing…
She'd watched Horner staggering across the park and was under the impression that her curse was well on the way to completion. But then the whole business with the Tyrannopigeon egg had occurred and now she was quite confused as to where this left matters. The view on the screen now just showed the empty playing field and the solitary Tyrannopigeon egg which was roughly about the size of a small bungalow (but one of those nice ones - maybe with a thatched roof - more a cottage really). The picture hadn't changed for the last half house and she'd grown a little bored and had gone away to make popcorn and a nice pot of "evil" tea. When she'd returned nothing had changed.
"Hmm... This is most frustrating!!" she declared aloud. "So is this it?" At least if he'd burst into a fireball as she'd intended then she could have watched as he crackled to a cinder; relished his suffering as he'd gradually perished - but the whole egg business had stolen the more grand revenge that Katrina had hoped for.
Quite frankly she wasn't happy.
"This is ridiculous..." she sighed, after the screen had remained unchanged for almost and hour. She couldn't see why the screen remained broadcasting if the curse had run its course. Could he possible have survived both the curse and the giant falling egg!? "This is stupid!! So is he dead or alive!?" she muttered to herself angrily.
Suddenly - as if in answer to her question something did suddenly happen on the screen; the left hand side of the giant egg suddenly exploded outward and staggering into the light - covered in a thick film of yolk, was Horner.
"Dammit!!" cursed Katrina - she couldn't believe her bad luck - but somehow she sensed the matter was not yet over.
Horner seemed blinded by the yolk - totally disorientated as he tried to wipe the offending membrane from out of his eyes - to clear his vision...
It was about this point that he left the grass and stumbled onto the street - quite oblivious to the passing vehicles.
"Hoorah..." beamed Katrina. "This is more like it..."
At that very moment there was a loud hoot from a car horn and the bright glare of headlights. Something passing Horner clipped his right side and sent the confused amphibian spinning into the gutter with a cry.
Katrina was about the cheer, but before she had a chance to do so, her face fell...
The vehicle that had hit Horner was an ambulance...
“Unbelievable!!” cried Katrina furiously, but before she could contemplate casting any further curses or spells, the doorbell rang.
The ambulance appeared to have stopped and the driver was bundling Horner guiltily into the van.
The doorbell rang again and furiously Katrina rose to her feet and proceeded to cross the flat so as to answer the door.
“WHAT!?” she bellowed as she opened it. She was about to say more, but was quite taken aback by the shaggy visitor who confronted her on her doorstep.
“Hello!” beamed the creature. “My name is Simon Yeti and I’m your new neighbour – is there any chance I could borrow a cup of poison?”
**
Meanwhile, across ay Dusty Acres hospital Horner was just arriving in the Emergency Ward and his condition being assessed. “Why is this amphibian covered in egg yolk?” demanded the doctor in charge. “Surely he’d not just hatched!!”
The Sister wasn’t at all sure. “I don’t THINK so…” she replied, taking a moment to check her notes. “Errr no – apparently a Tyrannopigeon dropped it’s egg on him…”
“But all this skin trauma?” The doctor enquired. “He appears to be shedding his scales…”
“Well, according to his notes that’s exactly what’s happening…” confirmed Sister. “We’re trying to contact any relatives to let them know he’s in here…” she added helpfully. Staringin concern at their silent patient. “Doctor…” she enquired after a moments pause. “Do you think he’s come out of his coma – do you think he’ll survive?”
Right at that moment Horner’s eyes flicked open; he smiled – having heard the sisters question. “I hate to interrupt!” he choked, through a mouthful of scales. “But, you know – I think I’m going to be just fine…”
**
“A cup of poison!?” exclaimed Katrina excitedly, inviting the yeti into her apartment in an untypical attempt to be neighbourly.
“Why yes!!” beamed Simon. “I have roses climbing up the outside of my flat and every time I looked out of the window to admire the passing totty I poke myself in the eye, dear – it’s really got to stop!!”
“The eye poking you mean – not the totty watching?” Katrina chuckled, taking the container from him and hoping that her wart was attractive looking in the subdued lighting. “I quite understand…” she added. “Let me fetch you that poison – I’m afraid I only have arsenic and a little hemlock… Oh, weed killer – rose are weeds aren’t they!?” she exclaimed brightly as she began to file through the herbs, spices and various poisons which she kept in her kitchen cupboard. “Darn it…” she muttered. “All out of eye of toad and ear of bat – must remember to get some next time I’m out…”
“This is a very nice flat, you have – my dear…” beamed Simon Yeti. “I’m so glad I moved into the area! Everyone’s so friendly – in a rather demonic/want-to-kill-you way, but friendly all the same…” he chuckled. “I’ve been unwell you see, but now I’m recovered – I’ve been undergoing invisible reversibility treatment, you see…”
“Goodness!” exclaimed Katrina. “How ever did you end up like that!?”
“Oh – it was nothing…” sighed Simon. “I had a slight problem with a time machine on the way back from stopping for a picnic with ABBA back in 1976… Most unfortunate and too long a story to go into now – maybe another day…”
“Maybe…” agreed Katrina uncertainly and then decided it was best to keep talking so that Simon didn’t get a chance to suggest a date. “Goodness! Goodness! Goodness!” she continued, beginning to sound rather distracted as she sorted through her poisons. “I have a friend in hospital at the moment too…” she explained, turning back to Simon – an idea in mind and fake tears already brimming in her eyelids. “Oh Simon!” she sniveled – suddenly acting as if completely overwhelmed with emotion. “Simon! I’m SOOOOO worried about him…” she sobbed.
…And with that she did something that she’d not done since 1974…
Something which she found surprisingly easy to do…
Katrina began to cry…
**
Meanwhile, back in hospital, Horner had regained consciousness and had been transferred to a private room of his own. He was still a little disorientated, but the main thing, he reason – was that he was alive – AND that he was no longer covered in egg yolk!!
“Doctor Fish!!” said a voice suddenly, right close up to Horner’s face – nearly causing him to instantly shed all his remaining scales in fear. “Mr Horner!! Dr Fish!!!” boomed the Doctor again, just to be sure that he’d got the message. “They sent me in too look at your case…” he explained. “I’m a frog specialist – my grandmother was half frog and my Auntie Muriel used to be a tadpole…”
Horner frowned. “We tend to say amphibian…” he explained. “I’m part fish – part lizard and part human…” he added.
“Yes… Yes…” nodded Dr Fish. “I see that you’re going through you’re Skin-Time right about now… A frog doesn’t want to be getting hit by giant eggs or run down by ambulances when he’s in his Skin-Time, now does he!?”
“Well – err – no…” Horner admitted, but still he gave the doctor a rather withering look. Dr Fish was, well yes – it would be true to say that he was a rather fishy looking man (not in the dodgy meaning of the word – more in the cod or haddock way, to be honest…)
“I’ve done my research…” Dr Fish sighed. “…and I think I can tell you why this happened to you…”
“Oh really!?” Horner nodded, to be perfectly frank he had a pretty good idea why, himself. “Go ahead!” he invited. “Surprise me!”
Dr Fish frowned. “Well – it’s quite a peculiar one really…” he began. “I’ve not seen anything like it in quite some time!!”
“Yes… Yes… Cut to the chase, won’t you doctor?” Horner snapped. “Let me take a guess! Was it witchcraft? A Hex? A Curse?” he asked and knew he was right. “Katrina’s going to pay!!” he vowed. “Oh yes, Katrina’s going to pay dearly…”
How will Katrina escape vengeance now Horner is still alive? How can Simon Yeti help? What form of revenge will Horner attempt and is I exciting enough to get its own mini-series?
All will be revealed in the next fantabulacious instalment of DUSTY ACRES - an everyday story of the people it’s preferable to avoid!!!
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