PART THREE: IN WHICH OLD AND NEW FRIENDS GIVE SUPPORT...

>“Don’t call it love / Heavens above / We got a better thing! / Don’t call it love / That ain’t enough / Just tell them you’re my everything!”

From: "Don’t Call It Love..." (Tom Snow / Dean Pitchfield); Dusty Springfield, White Heat, 1982.

Dr Fish frowned. “You’re one of those mind reading frogs now, aren’t you!?” he exclaimed, sounding as he felt a little short changed at not getting to do his favourite part of the job; the telling people what was wrong bit…

“I’m actually not clairvoyant in any way…” Horner told him. “But I have a – well – maybe I should say an EX-girlfriend who just happens to be a rather vindictive witch…”

“Good grief!!” exclaimed Dr Fish, looking quite taken aback by this revelation. “She really doesn’t like you, does she? What on earth did you do to her?”

Horner sighed. “Well, not so very much really; but you have to remember that she’s a witch and they’re very easily agitated!”

“Well, didn’t you bring her flowers? Take her out for a nice meal? Invite her on a pleasant holiday and woo her by candle light?” The Dr enquired, sounding as if he would have liked this to happen to him…

Horner gave Dr Fish to a very odd look. “Woo her by candlelight!?” he exclaimed, somewhat disbelievingly. “What do you think I am, stupid? Suicidal even?” The Doctor didn’t seem to get his point. “She’s a witch!” Horner reminded the medic. “A black witch – one who I’ve been married to for far longer than I care to remember. We split up for a few years once, but she put a love spell on me to win me back; flowers and wine and nice holidays don’t work on her – they only make her madder!”

“Oh!” Dr Fish replied – struggling for a come back. “But she must have liked you at some stage, if she put a love spell on you…

Horner sighed. He was a little tired of having to repeat this story over and over. “Not so…” he countered. “She just needed someone to help with the house work and pay the bills – she’s a very lazy woman at heart…”

“But WHY the curse, dear chap!?” The Doctor asked, still sounding completely confused. “You must have done something to warrant all this attention, surely!?”

“If you count forgetting the milk and being late for a dinner date – five minutes late – then, yes – I did…”

“Good Lord man!” exclaimed Dr Fish. “Then you should report her…”

Horner sighed and nodded his agreement. “Well that’s what I wanted to ask; I’m in the final stages of my Skin-Time and what I was rather hoping was that before I actually shed the last of my scales – which is always a very traumatic and mood altering time – perhaps I could make two phone calls? One to the police to report Katrina, for a start…”

“Of course! And the other to your solicitor, I suppose!”

“Actually no…” he replied. “I’d actually like to call an old friend of mine; I have her number – her name is Tula – Tula Swiss – she was my ex-fiancée…”

**

When Katrina had chanced her luck by asking her new yeti neighbour for a lift to the hospital, she had rather naively presumed that he’d have a car, or at very least some kind of van!

“You’re lucky I didn’t bring my Pogo-stick, dear…” Simon had teased when he’d seen the rather odd looking expression on Katrina’s face. “You’d have had to hide inside my top coat pocket or in the band of my hat…”

“Ah yes…” she had replied – momentarily lost for words. “It’s just that I’ve never ridden side saddle on a Penny Farthing before…” she sighed.

Which was fair enough; not many people had!!

“You’ll get used to it, dear!!” exclaimed the yeti, rather flamboyantly and much to Katrina’s dismay he waved his paws and his legs about flamboyantly too and she feared that the bike would topples over and that she might be flung into a ditch or worse still, a flower bed. (The thought made her retch! Ikk! The thought of being anywhere near flowers!! Such sickly things – so smelly, people always raved about them so; going on about how pretty they were when they were nothing more than weeds!)

“I’m sure I will get used to it!” Katrina agreed – wishing that she’d not given up riding her broomstick. She’d never been very good at it, to be honest, and had often ended up head over heels in a bush (or a flowerbed!!) Riding side-saddle on a penny farthing was slightly less scary than a broom-stick, at least.

“What I can’t understand is why we’re going to visit this friend of yours… I mean – I know he’s a friend and everything – but you don’t sound exactly that happy when you mention him. You say he’s been in an accident – but every time you say his name you frown – people don’t usually frown when they say their friends’ names, dear! Forgive me – maybe I’m wrong!!”

It wasn’t exactly easy getting into a proper conversation with the yeti whilst he was busy peddling the bike; he was such a Giant Haystacks sized beast – but she already knew that he would be just perfect to help facilitate the solution to her current predicament with Horner.

“You’re right, Simon!” she called. “Horner was my husband really, rather than my friend – but we split up recently – he’d been trying to hurt me – battering me with haddock – spending more time with his newt friends than with me. Not to mention all his flirtations with cod – he’s an amphibian man, you see!”

“Good grief, Katrina!!” exclaimed Simon – sounding really quite cross about this. “This man sounds like a monster!!”

“Well yes… An amphibian one…”

“No Katrina! I mean he treats you monstrously! He’s a maniac! A total psycho and he must be stopped, dear!” Simon insisted – really sounding very cross at having heard about Horner’s supposed behaviour – all of it lies, of course.

However, realising that Simon had fallen for her ruse made Katrina smile – although she was glad that Simon couldn’t see her where she sat – hugging him around the waist from behind on the penny farthing. When she spoke again she made sure that she sounded as sorry for herself as possible. “Oh Simon! I know you’re right – and yes – yes, he is a monster in all possible ways!” She concluded, adding just a little sob in the hope that this would gain her even more sympathy from the stupid great yeti.

They were nearly at the hospital now – so Katrina wanted Simon to be completely on her side by the time they reached the ward that Simon was on. “Don’t you worry, dear lady…” Simon assured her. “Horner really doesn’t deserve a woman like you showing him such loyalty and attention…”

“Oh, I know…” Katrina continued and let out another sob. “But what can I do? I’m still his wife, after all – and… And… It’s just that I love that son of a toad so much – as soon as I heard he was hurt I just had to come running…”

Simon Yeti said nothing – he rarely felt protective of people, for his own ego was so large – but Katrina he was definitely feeling complete sympathy for. “My dear…” he said determinedly. “Don’t you worry – we’ll sort this out once and for all!! This dreadful situation will be concluded in no time, I can assure you! I’ll reluctantly take you to see your ex-husband – but really – the man sounds like an utter brute and someone has to face him and tell him so and if it has to be me – even though I’m the most cowardly yeti there ever was – well, then if it has to be me – then by Jove I’ll do it – I’ll speak to him and I’ll put him right in his place…”

“Oh Simon…” sighed Katrina and inside she was chuckling away to herself, for this was exactly what she had wanted. “Oh Simon – it really is so good to hear you say that…”

**

Meanwhile, back in his ward, Horner had reached the final phase of his Skin-time and the scales were just dropping off around him. He’d managed to use the phone – but in the end he had only made one call; he’d called Miss Tula Swiss, his ex-fiancée – but decided to hold back from calling the police.

“I have my own way of dealing with this!” he decided – and he hoped that Tula might even be part of this plan.

Horner and Tula had dated for a year of so during his separation from Katrina some ten years ago now. They’d stayed friends though and Tula had recently been engaged to marry an Italian gentleman named Luigi. To be quite honest he was a little uncertain as to what her current situation was; other than that he’d recently received a brief letter saying that she had moved back to the country.

All those years ago when they had dated, Tula had been an archivist in a haunted college in Belgravia and they had both lived in the same block of flats. She’d known of his Skin-time and had been very accepting – but in the end the relationship had floundered partly due to her over-niceness and also after an incident involving an un-cooked kebab. After all that she had moved out and had gone to work for an MP in Whitehall.

Tula had been out when he called.

“Tula, honey… It’s me – Horner… I’m going through a change at the moment. I’m sorry to call you like this. I’m in the hospital in Dusty Acres and Katrina has been busy trying to kill me! Nothing changes – ey! Will you call me back…”

The pain from his skin change had got too bad at this point.

“Please ring back…” he pleaded the phone silently as he lay in agony on the bed – his new body slowly unfolding from beneath his shattered and shedding scales. “Please call me back, Tula…” he begged.

But at that point Horner passed out, and wouldn’t have heard the phone even if it had rung…

**

Tula Swiss sighed as she came in through the door of her apartment, laden with bags of rather expensive purchases from extremely expensive shops. “Go on, love! You’re allowed to splurge! You’re a successful authoress and pin-up for Supernatural enthusiasts everywhere!!” She’d had to remind herself; for indeed this was what she was, thanks to a book that she’d worked on with her Aunt – the fabulous clairvoyant, Fatima. It was just that she wasn’t used to spending that much money on herself or anyone else, for that matter – and it was months until Christmas!!

Lying down her bags, Tula noticed that her answer-phone was flashing; she was expecting a call and so casually crossed the room to take a listen:“Tula, honey – it’s me, Horner…”

Tula winced and jabbed the pause button on the message device – this was not who she’d been expecting to hear from. Although they’d kept in touch – they hadn’t exactly seen each other more than a couple of times in the last ten years – and he rarely sent a Christmas card in reply to any of the ones that she always sent each year, without fail.

He NEVER phoned, either.

EVER…

Not until today, that is…

Tula’s finger hovered momentarily over the delete button … and then suddenly she had a change of heart and pressed the PLAY button again, for old times sake…

“I’m sorry to call you like this. I’m in the hospital in Dusty Acres and Katrina has been busy trying to kill me! Nothing changes – ey! Will you call me back…”

Tula listened through the message half a dozen times more and then grabbed her coat and hat off the peg again. “Nobody kills my Horner…” she muttered under her breath. “Wife witch or no wife witch – nobody does that to dear old Fish Face!!”

There was no denying it now, Tula Swiss was on the case!

How will Tula manage to save her once-beloved Fish Face? What does Katrina Hortensia plan on doing next? Will Simon Yeti act the protective friend or will Tula get there first? And what’s more – what will be left of the old Horner once his scales have shed?!?

Fine out in the next obscenely exciting episode of DUSTY ACRES - an everyday story of people who you wouldn’t want to take home to meet your mother…

Mood music for this episode: "Don’t Call It Love..."; Dusty Springfield, White Heat, 1982.

PART TWO: IN WHICH HORNER IS LEFT WITH EGG ON HIS FACE...

"This love of mine / Oh, it's getting stronger / Can't help myself / Can't wait much longer..."

From: "That's The Kind Of Love I've Got For You..." (d. fletcher / d. parks); Dusty Springfield, It Begins Again, 1978.


Horner opened his eyes...

For a moment all had gone dark; but now - suddenly all was bright light again, but he seemed to be trapped inside some sort of sticky bubble - some translucent prison.

He tried to remember what had happened and recalled the Tyrannopigeon flying over head and the egg falling down towards him.

That was it.

He was inside the egg.

Alive still; thank goodness - head throbbing, but literally standing inside the remains of the egg - the hole that he'd caused in the shell now rested at his feet and yolk was slowly seeping out onto the earth - but he was surrounded completely by the otherwise undamaged shell.

At least his skin no longer felt like it was burning...

"Well, this isn't right..." he mused uncomfortably, the yolk was horribly sticky and although as an amphibian man he was used to breathing under water he had no wish to coat the insides of his nasal passages with the embryonic fluid of a Tyrannopigeon egg. "I have to get out of here!! It's as simple as that!!" he reasoned.

The egg had been pretty big and the yolk pretty thick - so presumably he could punch his way out. Taking a metaphorical deep breath he bunched up his right fist and punched quickly forward towards the shell.

*OUCH!!!*

**

Meanwhile elsewhere, back in Katrina's flat, Katrina was watching developments via CURSE-O-VISION - a channel on cable especially for witches who had spells in the offing…

She'd watched Horner staggering across the park and was under the impression that her curse was well on the way to completion. But then the whole business with the Tyrannopigeon egg had occurred and now she was quite confused as to where this left matters. The view on the screen now just showed the empty playing field and the solitary Tyrannopigeon egg which was roughly about the size of a small bungalow (but one of those nice ones - maybe with a thatched roof - more a cottage really). The picture hadn't changed for the last half house and she'd grown a little bored and had gone away to make popcorn and a nice pot of "evil" tea. When she'd returned nothing had changed.

"Hmm... This is most frustrating!!" she declared aloud. "So is this it?" At least if he'd burst into a fireball as she'd intended then she could have watched as he crackled to a cinder; relished his suffering as he'd gradually perished - but the whole egg business had stolen the more grand revenge that Katrina had hoped for.

Quite frankly she wasn't happy.

"This is ridiculous..." she sighed, after the screen had remained unchanged for almost and hour. She couldn't see why the screen remained broadcasting if the curse had run its course. Could he possible have survived both the curse and the giant falling egg!? "This is stupid!! So is he dead or alive!?" she muttered to herself angrily.

Suddenly - as if in answer to her question something did suddenly happen on the screen; the left hand side of the giant egg suddenly exploded outward and staggering into the light - covered in a thick film of yolk, was Horner.

"Dammit!!" cursed Katrina - she couldn't believe her bad luck - but somehow she sensed the matter was not yet over.

Horner seemed blinded by the yolk - totally disorientated as he tried to wipe the offending membrane from out of his eyes - to clear his vision...

It was about this point that he left the grass and stumbled onto the street - quite oblivious to the passing vehicles.

"Hoorah..." beamed Katrina. "This is more like it..."

At that very moment there was a loud hoot from a car horn and the bright glare of headlights. Something passing Horner clipped his right side and sent the confused amphibian spinning into the gutter with a cry.

Katrina was about the cheer, but before she had a chance to do so, her face fell...

The vehicle that had hit Horner was an ambulance...

“Unbelievable!!” cried Katrina furiously, but before she could contemplate casting any further curses or spells, the doorbell rang.

The ambulance appeared to have stopped and the driver was bundling Horner guiltily into the van.

The doorbell rang again and furiously Katrina rose to her feet and proceeded to cross the flat so as to answer the door.

“WHAT!?” she bellowed as she opened it. She was about to say more, but was quite taken aback by the shaggy visitor who confronted her on her doorstep.

“Hello!” beamed the creature. “My name is Simon Yeti and I’m your new neighbour – is there any chance I could borrow a cup of poison?”

**

Meanwhile, across ay Dusty Acres hospital Horner was just arriving in the Emergency Ward and his condition being assessed. “Why is this amphibian covered in egg yolk?” demanded the doctor in charge. “Surely he’d not just hatched!!”

The Sister wasn’t at all sure. “I don’t THINK so…” she replied, taking a moment to check her notes. “Errr no – apparently a Tyrannopigeon dropped it’s egg on him…”

“But all this skin trauma?” The doctor enquired. “He appears to be shedding his scales…”

“Well, according to his notes that’s exactly what’s happening…” confirmed Sister. “We’re trying to contact any relatives to let them know he’s in here…” she added helpfully. Staringin concern at their silent patient. “Doctor…” she enquired after a moments pause. “Do you think he’s come out of his coma – do you think he’ll survive?”

Right at that moment Horner’s eyes flicked open; he smiled – having heard the sisters question. “I hate to interrupt!” he choked, through a mouthful of scales. “But, you know – I think I’m going to be just fine…”

**

“A cup of poison!?” exclaimed Katrina excitedly, inviting the yeti into her apartment in an untypical attempt to be neighbourly.

“Why yes!!” beamed Simon. “I have roses climbing up the outside of my flat and every time I looked out of the window to admire the passing totty I poke myself in the eye, dear – it’s really got to stop!!”

“The eye poking you mean – not the totty watching?” Katrina chuckled, taking the container from him and hoping that her wart was attractive looking in the subdued lighting. “I quite understand…” she added. “Let me fetch you that poison – I’m afraid I only have arsenic and a little hemlock… Oh, weed killer – rose are weeds aren’t they!?” she exclaimed brightly as she began to file through the herbs, spices and various poisons which she kept in her kitchen cupboard. “Darn it…” she muttered. “All out of eye of toad and ear of bat – must remember to get some next time I’m out…”

“This is a very nice flat, you have – my dear…” beamed Simon Yeti. “I’m so glad I moved into the area! Everyone’s so friendly – in a rather demonic/want-to-kill-you way, but friendly all the same…” he chuckled. “I’ve been unwell you see, but now I’m recovered – I’ve been undergoing invisible reversibility treatment, you see…”

“Goodness!” exclaimed Katrina. “How ever did you end up like that!?”

“Oh – it was nothing…” sighed Simon. “I had a slight problem with a time machine on the way back from stopping for a picnic with ABBA back in 1976… Most unfortunate and too long a story to go into now – maybe another day…”

“Maybe…” agreed Katrina uncertainly and then decided it was best to keep talking so that Simon didn’t get a chance to suggest a date. “Goodness! Goodness! Goodness!” she continued, beginning to sound rather distracted as she sorted through her poisons. “I have a friend in hospital at the moment too…” she explained, turning back to Simon – an idea in mind and fake tears already brimming in her eyelids. “Oh Simon!” she sniveled – suddenly acting as if completely overwhelmed with emotion. “Simon! I’m SOOOOO worried about him…” she sobbed.

…And with that she did something that she’d not done since 1974…

Something which she found surprisingly easy to do…

Katrina began to cry…

**

Meanwhile, back in hospital, Horner had regained consciousness and had been transferred to a private room of his own. He was still a little disorientated, but the main thing, he reason – was that he was alive – AND that he was no longer covered in egg yolk!!

“Doctor Fish!!” said a voice suddenly, right close up to Horner’s face – nearly causing him to instantly shed all his remaining scales in fear. “Mr Horner!! Dr Fish!!!” boomed the Doctor again, just to be sure that he’d got the message. “They sent me in too look at your case…” he explained. “I’m a frog specialist – my grandmother was half frog and my Auntie Muriel used to be a tadpole…”

Horner frowned. “We tend to say amphibian…” he explained. “I’m part fish – part lizard and part human…” he added.

“Yes… Yes…” nodded Dr Fish. “I see that you’re going through you’re Skin-Time right about now… A frog doesn’t want to be getting hit by giant eggs or run down by ambulances when he’s in his Skin-Time, now does he!?”

“Well – err – no…” Horner admitted, but still he gave the doctor a rather withering look. Dr Fish was, well yes – it would be true to say that he was a rather fishy looking man (not in the dodgy meaning of the word – more in the cod or haddock way, to be honest…)

“I’ve done my research…” Dr Fish sighed. “…and I think I can tell you why this happened to you…”

“Oh really!?” Horner nodded, to be perfectly frank he had a pretty good idea why, himself. “Go ahead!” he invited. “Surprise me!”

Dr Fish frowned. “Well – it’s quite a peculiar one really…” he began. “I’ve not seen anything like it in quite some time!!”

“Yes… Yes… Cut to the chase, won’t you doctor?” Horner snapped. “Let me take a guess! Was it witchcraft? A Hex? A Curse?” he asked and knew he was right. “Katrina’s going to pay!!” he vowed. “Oh yes, Katrina’s going to pay dearly…”

How will Katrina escape vengeance now Horner is still alive? How can Simon Yeti help? What form of revenge will Horner attempt and is I exciting enough to get its own mini-series?

All will be revealed in the next fantabulacious instalment of DUSTY ACRES - an everyday story of the people it’s preferable to avoid!!!

PART ONE: IN WHICH NO-ONE STANDS UP, KATRINA HORTENSIA...

"In your sleep you've been talkin' / Callin' every other name but mine / And thats not a very encouraging sign…"

From: "Who Gets Your Love?" (dennis lambert / brian potter); Dusty Springfield, Cameo, 1973.

Katrina Hortensia dropped the bleached frog skin into her cauldron and glanced at the clock on the wall. It was nearly 13 minutes past 13 O'clock and her lover still hadn't called. "Horner - where are you?" she sighed to herself crossly. "I applied expensive makeup on my nose wart for you and you can't even do me the courtesy of showing up…"

Katrina was feeling sorry for herself. There was a misnomer that witches were cold and heartless and couldn't feel love. Katrina knew that this was nonsense. She was cold and heartless, sure enough - but she did feel love and she did feel hurt. Katrina was new to Dusty Acres - it was a regenerated gothic community about 20 miles from Spectrum City and a world away from her dingy cob-webbed cave back in Sutton Park. Her new pad came with an inbuilt cauldron. It even had a microwave. And a toilet. That flushed.

To be honest, she really wasn't used to such luxuries…

Usually Katrina just did a spell and things would sort themselves out!!
Today she was about to do another spell…

This one was for Horner, her lover - the amphibian ratbag…

**

Meanwhile, elsewhere…

Horner sat in his room, staring at a photo album which was intricately decorated with the baby teeth of rogue porcupine. He could barely make out each picture as the light from the bedside candle didn't give out a lot of illumination.
He was changing.

But this time he knew it was different.

He daren't show his face…

For a good nine months of the years; journalist and travel writer - Horner was an oily red-skinned amphibian; a man-sized frog to put it bluntly. He was used to the jibes - but that was him - he couldn't deny it - he WAS a man-sized frog. End of story.

To be honest, he rather liked the look - it was quite stylish and in his own community he was considered quite a hottie…

…For a man-sized frog.

The other three months of the year things were different. When Horner's "skin-time" arrived he shed his scales and underneath…

Well, underneath was what the straight, hunan world would have described as a "hunk"; a strapping six foot-something dark-haired adonis.

It was a source of great misery to him. How he hated it when "skin-time" came. How he hated his muscled body, his taunt hairy torso; those dimples and cute bum. Ikkkkk!!!! It couldn't be helped, of course and he'd been with his lover, Katrina, now for several centuries and she was used to him changing.

Only…

Only, this time he sense that it was going to be different this "skin-time"…

"Please don't make it happen…" he begged in a whispered prayer to whatever force of nature it was that caused him to change. He didn't dare to look in the mirror as his scales began to flake away. "Please don't make it happen to me!!" he persisted. "Please…"

**

Meanwhile, back in her sleek new apartment Katrina had made a decision over her future and had decided that Horner was no longer part of it. She just didn't trust him, although she knew at the back of her mind that a lot of her suspicion came from her own home grown paranoia. There was always some passing mermaid or werelady whom she fancied she saw Horner winking at down at the supermarket. She even suspected him of eyeing up her next door neighbour; a wizard named Sandy - but then again she wouldn't have been averse to a three way playtime with Sandy herself; if only he didn't regard her tangled cob-webbed hair and her warty nose with total disgust.
Sandy was into centaurs anyway; so there was no chance of a witch like Katrina competing for his attentions.

At any rate, she only had one thing on her mind at the moment and that was getting back at Horner. She knew he was coming up to another "skin-time", but that didn't stop her plotting. In fact it only gave her more excuse to reek her revenge when he entered her period of skin change and scale shedding. Not only did he become handsome in a way that only a human could appreciate, but all his anger, evil and spitefulness was replaced with kindness, generosity and freedom of spirit.

It was appalling.

All that NICENESS!!!!

It made her sick.

"This is for standing me up, Horner…" she growled - taking his photo from her fur-lined, spike enhanced purse and laid it before her on the table. "This is for all those disgusting bouquets and romantic candle-lit dinners you've made me endure over the years when you've been in "skin-time…" she continued, taking a huge sacrificial dagger from her stocking top and slicking through the photo again and again until it was in many, many pieces. Collecting up the remains up together she began to chant and carried the sliced photograph towards a blazing green flame by the pentagra, nearest the phone. "This'll teach you to be so NICE to me…" she sneered and then she added. "This'll teach you once and for all…"

…And with that she threw the pieces of the photo into the fire…

**

Back across town, Horner sighed and let the door of his flat slam behind him. His scales were flaking at an alarming speed and he was leaving a little red, fleshy trail behind him. Perversely, although he was changing he was actually feeling more generous; more guilty about the whole situation - this was a side effect of the "skin-time", of course - but he needed to speak to Katrina and explain before it was too late - before the change was done.

He thought back to the period when he and Katrina had split up and he'd gone out with a human for a year or so. Her name had been Tula and she'd been a college arcivist with an understanding for supernatural matters. Things just hadn’t worked out because he'd ended up resenting the fact that Tula accepted him so readily. He'd been going through a stage quite the reverse of the way he felt now - where he just wanted to merge into the background and he hadn't wanted to face how odd he was. He'd tried living with Tula in London - but it just hadn't worked - the fact that she accepted him as an amphibian man only freaked him out even more.

Communication and understanding was the problem and it was the same with Katrina since they'd gotten back together.

"Are we back together because we're right together or because there's no-one else who understands us!?" he often pondered.

He really wasn't sure of the answer to that one…

All the same, it did not good just skulking in the shadows of his home in the aquarium and not facing Katrina. He did love her really - even though she did have a tendancy to occasionally transform him into a dust-mite occasionally when she was practising her spells. Time was running out and soon he would have to leave the aquarium and go and rent a flat or maybe move in with Katrina whilst he was in his human stage…

But this depended on one key fact: the possibility that they could get through the next "skin-time" without splitting up - because this one was going to be a biggy…
He wasn't sure if they could, to be honest…

Horner bundled the rain mac tighter around him and tried to turn his face away from any people he passed. He tried to disguise his shedding features by covering his face with a newspaper. "I should have got a taxi…" he reasoned.

He was currently running for the bus; but realised now that people would just stare if he got close to him - even more so on a bus than in a taxi.

"I'll just walk…" he decided - although it was miles across Dusty Acres to reach Katrina's flat.

He was feeling too hot too. Not just a nervous flush, but boiling - almost feverish. Worse even. Almost on fire.

As he headed across a deserted recreation ground he shrugged off his coat - forgetting about not being seen; now simply desperate to get some air.

He was still burning. Almost aflame.

It was just at this moment - as he thought he caught the sound of Katrina's laughter in the air, that something very odd did indeed happen...

Above him a large bird swooped - one of the area's native Tyrannopigeons.

Horner stopped. Something was wrong.

A giant shadow appeared to surround him and appeared to be getting bigger.

Bigger.

BIGGER.

Something was falling towards him from a great height. Horner looked up quickly to see what it was. He was soon enough to see it, but not soon enough to run.

Seconds later a giant Tyrannopigeon egg, the size of a small house, plummetted out of the sky and landed on Horner's head.

Everything went dark.

Will Katrina's curse kill Horner? Can the metamorphosizing amphibian escape the weight of the giant Tyrannopigeon egg? Is there any way that Horner's scales could be recycled so that they don't go to waste; used as ear-rings for instance? Could Katrina forgive Horner his generous ways? Should he survive, what will he become this time and if it's hunky then I'm first in line for a snog, so hands off…

All will be revealed in the next scintilating episode of DUSTY ACRES - an everyday story of the sort of folk you simply don't meet everyday!!!

COMING SOON!!!

THE FIRST EPISODE OF DUSTY ACRES WILL BE POSTED UP SOON...